A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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