Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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