Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
