So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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