We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
