I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
