Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Welp...herpes.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
