May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
