Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
