Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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