she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
