I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
