Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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