He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
