Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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