turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
