And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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