It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
