I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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