ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Couch. On fire.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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