End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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