Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
