Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize