listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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