I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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