sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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