Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
