1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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