After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
