Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
