woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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