rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
