So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
