When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I understand Curling. That high.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
