I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
