OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
