Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
