I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
