The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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