I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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