he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
