I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The beer is more important than you right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
