Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
