I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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