please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
