Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
