Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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