gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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