I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so much tequila, so little girl.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize