Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
