I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
