The police scanner is talking about you again....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
