Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
