rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
