Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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