all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
