if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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