Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
