i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize