Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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