for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize