So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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