"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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