his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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