he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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