Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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