Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I checked into jail on foursquare
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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