I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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