At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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