The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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