I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
