sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
