Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
this is an emotional support booty call
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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