Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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