420 ftw
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
