i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
